In quest of happiness

To quote from one of my favourite books, ‘Daddy Long Legs’: “It isn’t the big troubles in life that require character. Anybody can rise to a crisis and face a crushing tragedy with courage, but to meet the petty hazards of the day with a laugh – that requires spirit”. If one is able to go through each day with the same vigour and enthusiasm then he has conquered life. He lives life as it comes and is not worried much about the petty issues that keep troubling him each day. Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its strength. If we keep on worrying about the challenges that keep coming in different forms then there is no end to it. I have come to realize that a person with such a disposition towards life can only become a sorrowful soul who spends his life learning to be unhappy.

Many busy and successful people do not have time to worry. They have structured their lives in such a way that they keep doing what they like to do and try to work out solutions to problems each time rather than sitting and hatching eggs on their own problems. In my interactions with different people I have observed that the most positive minded people are those who are in constant search of finding solutions to their problems. Those who are able to do this are the ones who march ahead in life and also get along with people well. Who will not like the company of optimistic people? These people also do not tend to procrastinate and do not keep things pending. One such person is my husband who always finds solutions to problems and believes in taking action rather than worrying about problems. He also never puts even day to day activities to a later date. He gets up early even on weekends and goes about his routine. Such kind of discipline in a sense goes a long way in managing life more effectively.

I have met people who never sit idle and keep on doing some or the other work. This way, they get so tired at the end of the day that they get a good sound sleep. You do not have to do anything extra-ordinary to get a good sleep at the end of the day. If you like whatever you are doing however simple it may be, then you are happy. Even if one does not like what he or she is doing but does it naturally with a sense of duty and not a sense of burden, such a person could be happy and contended. I remember having read in one of my school textbooks that a poor person has a more sound sleep than a king as he is not worried about his riches which he need to guard against theft. Sometimes having minimum desires and means to acquire it may also result in one being satisfied in life.

I am not a good cook and I find cooking a boring chore. But I have seen many women who love cooking and take real pleasure cooking good delicious food for their family. They find happiness in this daily chore and do it with a sense of pleasure for having brought happiness to others. Many women go out of their way to prepare good food in their homes. They try different recipes, go to cooking classes and make such efforts to bring the cheer in their own homes. Even though I do not fall in this category of women, I do admire the vigour and enthusiasm of such women. Even a simple chore, as routine as cooking, can bring satisfaction and contentment not just to oneself, but to your near and dear ones.

I have read in a book titled ‘In pursuit of happiness’ that happiness is not something to be pursued; it should ensue. One who goes in pursuit of happiness is like having an eye on the destination without stopping to enjoy the journey of life. I wonder many times why do most people remain depressed and unhappy thinking about what they could not achieve or what they could not become while failing to observe the many good things that may in fact be happening in their lives. It is rightly said you should count your blessings. It does not mean one should not have any ambitions or goals in life but to not unnecessarily brood over things if certain things do not materialise the way it was initially planned. It is very essential in this fast paced life to move on, to keep going. Without crossing the worst situations, one cannot touch the best corners of life. Happiness is the delicate balance between what one is and what one has. If you wait to be happy you will wait forever. But if you start to be happy you will be happy forever.  

Self-made maids

(Names of people have been changed to protect identity)

Today I am going to write about the maids who have been my support system at different points in time. These ladies, through their sheer will and determination, have taken life difficulties in their stride. These are ladies who have pulled it off single-handedly without the support of their husbands. I always feel that I need to take a leaf or two out of their life stories to handle my own life situations. I want to describe the life stories of some of these ladies in this post.

Geeta used to go about diligently doing her sweeping, washing vessels and also preparing chapattis for us every day. One day as she was going about doing her vessels I struck a conversation with her. It was then that I realised what hardships she was facing yet how smiling she was always. She did not let that show on her face as she went about doing her duties each day. She had two kids and she had left her husband as he used to consume liquor and not take her of her or their kids. She used to work even at that time and he used to misuse her hard earned money. She had left him not being able to tolerate his irresponsible behaviour. It requires lot of guts to be even taking this decision. But this lady had been doing it all herself for so many years. She sent both her sons to school and also earned money to buy a small house on her earnings after working for so many years. She used to mention to me sometimes that she was tired of the daily chores that she had to do but she had to do it to pull on her family. She knew that she was the sole bread winner for herself and her kids and that made her keep going.  She used to even manage to take her kids out during vacations. She was such a self- made woman though from such a poor background. She taught me one very important lesson – life gives you the courage and strength to take up any challenge if you wish to.

Parvati used to do maalish for my son. She used to do maalish in a few houses in the morning and then sell vegetables and flowers in the evening to earn a living. She had sons who were grown up. She used to operate with such pace that she was eligible to participate in any Olympic walk. She used to toil whole day to make ends meet. She was living in a joint family and she was supposed to contribute her earning to the entire family. She had her own share of troubles but she was ever smiling and laughing. She actually had no time to think about her difficulties. She had come to a decent position in life due to her hardwork and was earning to get her children married. She taught me how to keep going in life cheerfully despite the odds.

Sandhya came to my house when my son was about 15 days old. She was there full time to take care of my baby. This middle aged woman was a widow and had three children – two boys and one girl. She had grown up children and both her sons were working and having well-paid jobs. But the tragedy was that they were not ready to give money to their own mother. I sometimes wonder how do children after growing up, forget the hardships that their parents have faced to bring them up. She used to sell vegetables in her younger days. She used to sell vegetables and also do some other small business to run her house. Later she took up taking care of babies. She had travelled far and wide to earn a living and after all these years when she was at the doorstep of old age, she was still working for a living. She used to joke and laugh and be so cheerful and enthusiastic that you can never imagine that she had so much pain within her. She told me one very interesting fact one day that she had lived in many houses due to her baby sitting job and most of her employers treated her like her own mother. She used to say that even if she did not get the love and affection from her own sons, she got it elsewhere through her nature of work. She used to find solace in the fact that God sent her the company of good people in whose homes she became a family member. She was God sent for me as well as I was desperately looking for a person who could take good care of my baby. She was so affectionate and caring towards my son that she once again became like a member of our family. She used to go out of the way to not only take care of the child but also help me in other household chores. She also taught me lot of interesting recipes that I can prepare for my son. She had once worked in a restaurant – so she was very good at cooking as well. She was always curious to learn new things and I used to wonder she would have been a CEO had she been educated. This lady was a thorough manager and confidence exuberated in whatever she did. Even corporate managers could learn how to operate efficiently from her style of working. I was fortunate to meet such a positive woman in my life who became a motherly figure in my home.

There a lot of similarities in the three ladies and other such ladies I encountered in my life. All of them had the zest to go forward and do it themselves. All of them had the courage and will power to face things and do whatever was required to earn a living. None of them escaped the challenges and faced it head long. They had a positive disposition. They were all married at a very early age and learnt life lessons very young and continued to do so in their later years. It is heart-breaking to hear about the kind of difficulties these ladies faced at a very young age in their life but it is heart-warming how they turned it around single-handedly. They did not have any formal education but they self-educated themselves and lived a life worth mentioning to others. It is really amazing how they sorted it themselves just on the basis of will power and determination and charted out a good life for their next generation. 

Different phases of this girl from Mumbai

Every woman goes through a lot of different interesting phases in life. The scene has been no different for me than any other ordinary woman. I call the phases I have gone through in life as different roller coaster rides with completely different and life changing experiences. I was born and brought up in Mumbai, did my schooling in Mumbai, graduation in Commerce, post graduate diploma in Actuarial Science soon after which I landed myself a job in the same field where I worked for ten years. I have gone through three major phases in my life till date – first being a studious book worm, second being an employed salaried girl who juggled job and studies and the third, being the mother of a two year old son.

When I look back, I feel that I seemed to struggle in all these phases. I was very studious in my school days, admired by everyone. I used to be the role model for many of my peers. I received a lot of praise and recognition from my teachers and elders for being the kind of girl I was. This was what I call the most ‘rosy’ phase of my life. But I failed to actually feel the ‘awe’ that everyone had for me at that time. I used to drown myself in books and hardly used to do the usual masti that friends of my age used to engage in. Many also found me bit weird due to this nature of mine. All in all, I was a God-loving, satisfied soul knowing nothing but to excel in studies.

My studiousness took a downward trend during my college days and in the later years. My association with books and studies however continued. I tried taking up courses in finance and then did a one year post graduate diploma in actuarial science. I landed myself a job and it is during my working years that I shed my studiousness and began exploring life a little. I bloomed from being a shy and reserved person to a more out-spoken and fun-loving person. I think this is the second phase in which I saw a whole lot of changes in my personality and life experiences. I had lot of real-life experiences that made me more mature and open-minded. I also had some very sad events happening like losing my mother all of a sudden which made me a much stronger individual who could face life challenges more bravely than before. I started reading a lot of self-help books during this phase to enrich myself. I found lot of life lessons hidden in many books through experiences of people who turned great from ordinary, some good thoughts and how people faced challenges and turned things around by their attitude and spirit. I explored few places through my job outings and enjoyed life thoroughly as well during this phase. I would describe myself as being the independent, free-thinking, lively and enthusiastic girl who could do whatever she liked and I did enjoy life to the fullest during this phase.

The third phase which I am currently in is the post marriage phase of a responsible young woman. I got married to this young man who works in a bank and who could understand me as a person completely. We were blessed with a son two years back and now I am the proud mother of a two year old son. This phase has again been a roller coaster ride for me as it saw a sea of changes in me. I shed the ‘girly me’ to transform into the ‘motherly me’. I shed the independent free thinking avatar to a more ‘concern for all’ mature avatar with an eye for everyone’s concerns. I had my days when I used to feel I was not living life to the fullest as I used to in my earlier phases. But then I realized, that there was a deeper meaning in living life happily and satisfied than just running around in some world of fantasy. I left my job to take care of my son. It did hurt me at first but then I realized how much my son needed me at this time and this sacrifice was not a sacrifice at all. Yes, I may not be having the fun and excitement that other women may be having but there is a different kind of contentment if you are happy from within at the end of the day. My marriage and giving birth and taking care of my son have made me more patient, more humble and more mature than I was in the earlier phases. I read books when I find time and give a minute or two to ponder about some life quotes or thoughts that I come across. It gives me great satisfaction to read and learn from experiences of others who have had their own set of struggles in life.

I hope to share my own experiences and benefit some reader sitting far away just as I got satisfaction and inspiration by reading myself. I want to post not just my own experiences but also certain lessons from whatever I have read so that someone finds it useful just as I did. I want to discover the writer in me, the person in me and so I want to let my thoughts flow freely. I hope to be as open-minded as possible in my writings and discussions. I want to bring a positive outlook in my writings rather than merely stating my life experiences. This being my first real blog, I would like to wind up by saying hope you liked reading it. I hope to post many more soon.

Know about me and my blog

I am a simple girl born and brought up in Mumbai. I have been writing in my personal diary for quite some time now and thought to create this blog to enter into a more formal arena to pen my thoughts and reflections. Many of my friends describe me as a simple, down-to-earth and sincere human being. My writing will reflect this personality in great measure.

Today being Women’s day, I take this opportunity to tread along a new journey where I can post my reflections from time to time. I hope to let my thoughts flow freely in my writing and discover myself as a person in the process as well. Views expressed in this blog will be both general as well as personal views from my own life. I believe that many of you readers will be able to relate to my views.

I have been a keen observer of human behaviour and a believer in developing and maintaining good lasting bonds, be it with family or friends. I like to interact with people and I observe how people react to situations and pick up life lessons as I go along the journey of life.

I also pen my thoughts occasionally about people whom I admire. I have compiled these poems in my blog with the url: http://poemsbylalitha.blogspot.in